Thursday, July 30, 2009

No Title

It's still been pretty rough around here. I just keep stopping and saying to my self that I will never be able to just pick up the phone or drive to anywhere and see her again. I called and talked to her older sister and that helped but still not so much. I still have to tell my Mom which is going to be very hard. For her Tina was around enough that she was the 4th daughter. Yes I know, it was Tina and Christina. I should tell you sometime about how I felt in first grade Sunday school being one of a few girls who weren't Mary Margaret,Mary Kate, Mary Katherine....etc....Any way there has been a lot of soul searching and tears.

I have this wonderful abilty to fool myself that I found a very long time ago. I guess it is a sheild from being abandoned and it seems to work for me. I seem to be able to convice myself that whoever has passed is on a trip or has moved away.I guess if you believe in an afterlife as I do then perhaps it isn't such a stretch?

I hate that she is gone but after hearing what she went through the last few months I'm glad she isn't in pain any longer.With lymphoma the cancer tends to go completely through the body and is not a kind way to go.I've decided already that when I die I will be around 135yo and it will be in my sleep.I refuse to go any other way except for perhaps a quick accident. :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Very Hard Week

Sunday night I was sitting here at the computer reading the local paper online. When I read the days Obituaries I decided since I hadn't been there in about a week or so I'd better read back a few days and see if any older person I knew died.

Then I found her name. I met her when we both were 12 yo, she was my best friend in the whole world for many years. I was one of her bridemaids and she my witness when hubby and I got married. Somewhere along the line we'd just lost track of each other and I hadn't seen her in a few years. The obituary said she'd been suffering with lymphoma for a few years.

I can't tell you how bad I feel that I let my friend down like this. Time just got away from me and I hadn't realized how long it had been. Now it is too late.

There were always the 3 of us. Where you saw one you saw the other two. Her sister who is 3 years older and the two of us who were the same age. I was always the youngest by several months. We literally skinned our hearts and skinned our knees together. When I left my first husband and couldn't get through to Mom's house because there were teenaged sister's on the phone, I called her to please call Mom with the phone number of where I was staying. I don't think I'm ever going to forgive myself for this.

I miss you. I called her sister and we talked for over an hour. We plan to get together someday soon. I'm sure the minute I see her I'm going to lose it because now there are only two of us. People aren't supposed to die this young.

The Dr said they think it is because of what her first husband worked with and suggested that the kids be tested now and then for the same thing. Where he'd worked paid really well but not well enough for both of them to have died so young. I just can't believe it and it's really going to take some time to get used to this news.

Do me a favor, if there is someone you haven't heard from in a while, sit down and call them today. Tomorrow might be too late.